The online world has grown over the years and so have the various ways users can communicate. In addition to email, instant messaging, forums, chat, message boards and blogs, social networking sites have become more popular.
The Pew Internet and American Life Project found in 2008 that over 35% of adults now have a profile at one or more social networking sites, up from only 8% in 2005.
"Still, younger online adults are much more likely than their older counterparts to use social networks, with 75 percent of adults 18-24 using these networks, compared to just seven percent of adults 65 and older," noted Pew Senior Research Specialist Amanda Lenhart. "At its core, use of online social networks is still a phenomenon of the young."
What does this mean for you? If you haven’t jumped on the bandwagon, you need to. Not only are these sites gaining in popularity, you may find yourself out of the loop with your children or other family members, friends and coworkers. Even if you put up just a basic profile, you’ll probably find that a lot of people you know are online as well.
According to the same survey, the most popular social-networking sites were MySpace (50 percent), Facebook (22 percent), LinkedIn (six percent), Yahoo (two percent), YouTube (one percent), and Classmates.com (one percent). MySpace users are more likely to be women with a high-school education or some experience with college, Lenhart said. By contrast, Facebook users are more likely to be men and to have a college degree, she noted.
Social networking sites are just what they claim to be, a place where you can network with people you haven’t seen in years, who may live across the country or around the world, potential employers or employees, family members you don’t live near and more. Plus you can, depending on what site(s) you have a profile on, write a blog (or online diary), post photos and videos, instant message other members through that site, put music or videos on your profile and customize to make yourself as interesting as you want.
But, like everywhere else online, you need to take precautions. Here are the top 10 tips to stay safer on just about any social networking site:
1) Don’t use your first and last name as your profile name
2) Put as little personal information in your profile as possible, unless you want the whole online world to know everything about you
3) Go through all the options/preferences in your account and make your profile as private as possible. If the option to only let people who are your approved friends can view your profile, you should use that setting
4) Be careful what you post online if you do decide to blog about your daily life – again, remember that anyone online, anywhere in the world, of any age, race or gender will be able to see what you post. You could lose a potential job, graduate school opening or even a date because of what you post. More employers and job recruiters are not only viewing social networking sites for profiles of potential candidates, but they’re also doing “Google” searches to find out anything they can about that candidate.According to one study, over 35% of candidates *lost* a job because of what was found online.
5) This goes for photos and videos as well. Yes, you may like to party, but limit the number of photos of you boozing it up.It’s probably better you NOT post any drinking photos. Or photos of you smoking weed, taking drugs, dressed scantily or naked, grabbing someone’s private parts, etc. Think before you post anything on your profile. A good rule of thumb is: If you wouldn’t let your grandmother view it, don’t post it.
6) Do you really know everyone in your approved friends list? Remember, once you approve them, they can see everything you’ve posted, even if you marked your profile as private. So if you don’t know them well, and don’t want them to see the “private” you, don’t approve them as a friend. Sure, it’s great to post you have 3,000 friends, but safety should come first unless you are confident about what you post on your profile.
7) Surveys are fun to take and post on your profile, but many ask very personal questions that could be used against you later. So be careful about what answers you give on a survey, or better yet, don’t post surveys on your profile.
8) Make sure you manage any comments someone makes on your profile, or turn that off if you are worried about cousin Mikey writing something like “Hey Slut, how’s it hanging?” You don’t want to turn off people who read your profile, do you?
9) If you do decide to post music and/or videos you like on your profile, change the setting so that they don’t start automatically. People viewing your profile may not be into your taste in music or videos. Give them the option to play only if they want to. Nothing is more annoying than going to a profile and having Metallica blast out of your speakers first thing in the morning.
10) If you’re not sure your profile is up to snuff, have a good friend or family member look at yours to see if you should change anything. Do the same for them.
A final word for parents of kids who are online. Don’t tell your kids they can’t have a profile on a social networking site. Because, I guarantee you, they will put one up and you won’t know about it. Instead, encourage them and give them ideas of what to put on their profile, then ask them to help you put your own profile together and ask them to be your first friend. That way, you can keep an eye on them without “looking over their shoulder.” If you find something on their profile that is risqué or shouldn’t be there, do NOT freak out. Gently suggest they change it and explain that not everyone online is a nice person, so they need to take precautions.
For more information on how to stay safer online, thinking about buying a copy of Net Crimes & Misdemeanors 2nd edition for just $20 (includes shipping and handling) at http://www.netcrimes.net. If you do, you’ll get a free copy of Video Professor’s “Protect Yourself Online,” which is based on the book.
Have questions? I have answers! Just email them to me at netcrimes@netcrimes.net
I'm sorry, but people should get a permit to be online. Or at least a beginner course in how to use the Internet properly. I get so many complaints from folks who claim "I've been hacked!"
No, you haven't.
Real hackers don't bother with common folk like you and me. Real hackers don't just go breaking into people's email accounts to harass them. Real hackers are smarter than you (and probably smarter than me) and look for challenges.
You probably chose a password that was either
A) Easy to guess (like your dog's name, an anniversary or birthdate, the school you graduated from, your favorite color, etc
B) You wrote it down on a piece of paper in plain view or near your computer and the person who is now harassing/impersonating you found it and used it against you
C) You openly gave the person your password and when your relationship/friendship ended, you forgot to change your password.
Examples follow of real incidents reported to me:
<i>He got so mad at me that he hacked in to photobucket account and put up pictures that were against the Photobuckets Terms of Service to try and get the account suspended.</i>
Turns out this guy knew the harasser through an online game and had known him for four years. Enough time for that person to know a lot about this guy and most likely guessed his password. So what does he do? Instead of going to Photobucket and changing his password to a combination of numbers/letters/symbols, he starts telling the guy "f-ck you" via Yahoo Messenger. Which just escalated things.
<i>They hacked my aol account and my myspace.com account</i>
She dated the guy almost 10 years previously. For a long time. So he obviously knew a lot about her. I can bet you 10-1 her password was something really easy for this loser to guess. What was worse was he and his now wife were going into her AOL and Myspace accounts and sending people in her address book nude photos taken of her by him when they were dating.
NEVER, EVER let anyone take sexually provocative photos or videos of you, no matter how much you love them. Because this is exactly what happens when you break up. Unless you don't mind having things like this eventually show up online (and believe me, they will), keep the photos and videos to normal subjects. If you do decide to do a sex tape, don't be surprised when it does who up online.
So what did this woman do? Instead of going in and changing her password to something no one could guess, she bitched about them continuing to "hack" into her accounts.
<i>My computer has been hacked into twice in two months with two different hard drives and two different operating systems. I am now on my third install of windows.</I>
Now, this one was what the FBI told her a "remote hack." Ever hear of firewall/antivirus software? How about a hardware firewall? Turns out she was using some free software. You get what you pay for and if it's free, well, you need to pay the money for something that will protect your computer better.
<i>She hacked my email account and intercepted racy emails between my wife and myself and printed them from her computer and has distributed the documents to several people.</i>
"She" is his ex-wife. Although he claimed to change his passwords frequently, it turned out he was using easy ones he could remember. Once he changed it to something with numbers and symbols in it, the "hacking" stopped.
<i>The person hacked into my account between 9:30pm -11:30pm on 3/9/08. My personal email address was sent out and they have since erased the texts from the online account.</i>
Um, this isn't hacking. This is someone going into their email program and putting your email address into the FROM line so that they could send out messages pretending to be you.
<i>First he hacked into my myspace account to steal all the settings of my profile and then made a profile on myspace that is exactly the same as mine and messaged me. </i>
No, he didn't "hack" into your Myspace account. Your Myspace account was publicly available to everyone online and all he did was copy everything you put up there and create a new profile imitating you.
<i>My daughter's account was hacked into and password was changed--by her daughter or daughers boyfriend- filthy e-mail is being sent to her friends and family</i>
Again, an easy password to guess. NOT hacking.
<i>She then, somehow, hacked into my Myspace page and began contacting my friends and family by sending rude and nasty messages about me to them.</I>
Again, her Myspace profile was public, so all this person had to do was go to her Friends list and send everyone messages. NOT hacking.
Get a grip people. And follow these 10 pieces of advice:
1) Create hard to guess passwords. Yes, they're harder to remember, but they're harder for someone to figure out and get into your accounts online or offline. Make your password a combination of at least letters and numbers, and if you can, add some symbols to it, like $t()()p1d (which translates to stupid - see what I did?)
2) Make your Myspace, Facebook, AOL or other profile private so that only those on your Friends list can view it.
3) On that note, only approve people who REALLY are your friends, because once you make them a friend, they can view EVERYTHING you put in your profile, blog, photos, etc.
4) Put as little personal info about you in your online profiles. Don't use your first and last name together anywhere in the profile, especially as the name of your account, such as myspace.com/johndoe. Don't post your cell, home phone or address. Don't put where your work unless you want people who get mad at you, want revenge or just want to be idiots call your workplace and cause trouble for you.
5) Don't post provocative or controversial photos or videos online anywhere. This can affect you now or later in life. You could lose a job, a spouse, a potential date, a scholarship, admission to a college, etc. Get my drift?
6) Again, DO NOT let anyone take sex photos or videos of you. They WILL eventually show up online, guaranteed. I don't care how much you "love" them now. Don't do it.
7) Make sure your computer has a good antivirus AND firewall program installed and keep it updated. Pay for the renewals every year. If you're really worried about online security, consider a hardware firewall. Go to your local computer store, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc for advice on what would work best for you. An unprotected computer is an open door for the real hackers.
8) If someone does guess your password and gets into your accounts, immediately go in and change the password(s) before they do. If they've already done that, then contact the content provider or your ISP to let them know your account has been compromised.
9) You are not anonymous online. Even if you open up a free email account through somewhere like Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail, etc, harassing messages can and will be traced back to you. If you're that ticked off at someone, take a step back, really think about it and realize it's not worth it. Or you'll be taken in by Internet Road Rage. Just like some people get so mad driving down the highway, snap and begin chasing someone in a road rage incident, the same thing happens on the information superhighway. And the consequences could be jail time, loss of a job, suspension from school, or a divorce or breakup. Is it really worth it to "chase" someone online because they ticked you off?
10) Finally: If you wouldn't let your grandmother view it, don't post it online; if you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't send that email or post it online; and if you don't want things you're doing now online follow you later in life, JUST DON'T DO IT.
For more information on staying safer online, visit my book's web site, <a href=http://www.netcrimes.net>Net Crimes & Misdemeanors</a>. If you are a victim of online harassment, cyberstalking or bullying, visit my organization's web site at <a href=http://www.haltabuse.org>Working to Halt Online Abuse</a> and for kids/teens who are being bullied or harassed online, go to our Kids/Teens Division at <a href=http://www.haltabusektd.org>WHOA-KTD</a> - click on Need Help? and follow the instructions from there.
You need a photo on your profile. No ifs ands or buts about it. When I started looking at profiles of men, or men contacted me on the dating site I was on, I immediately ignored all of the ones without photos. There was one that intrigued me enough (I was in a good mood that day, too) and asked him to send me a photo. He did and ended up posting it on his profile. We did date for a while, but it didn't work out. My current hubby posted three photos of himself. And this is what worked:
1) He showed his face. No sunglasses. No hat. No standing so far back you couldn't see his face.
2) He smiled. A real smile. In one he was laughing. And it was genuine laughter.
3) His photos were recent.
4) His photos matched how he described himself in his profile.
5) The settings for his photos were either outdoors or in a living room that was tasteful
6) He was wearing clothes he wore normally.
And I was blown away when I met him in person. He was good-looking in the photos, but even better looking in real life.
Now let's go through each of these:
1) If you're hiding your eyes or your hair, that implies you're trying to hide something. If you're a guy and you're balding, posting a photo with a hat isn't going to hide it when you meet the woman in person. Be honest with yourself and to those who view your profile. If you're balding or bald, show it! Lots of women love men like you - my hubby is balding, but I think he's adorable. And I like it better when he shaves his hair down to nubs so that he's almost bald anyway.
2) Smiling a real smile (not a fake or "camera" smile) shows you are a real person. Have a friend or family member take your photo and joke with you while taking it so that you both laugh and they can capture your beautiful (or handsome) smile.
3) Don't post photos or head shots from five or 10 years ago. Make sure you photos are at least one year old or more recent. I met a guy for lunch who looked good in his photos. Turned out when I met him in person he had more gray than black hair and was a lot older looking. Not what I expected (among other things).
4) Make sure your profile description matches your photo. If you're a guy and you say you have facial hair, make sure your photos show exactly what type of facial hair you really have. Men and woman need to be honest about their weight. If you put in your profile you're 128 pounds (women) or 170 (men) and your photos show otherwise, or your photos are so old they show what you used to weigh and you meet that person in real life and you're not that weight, well, you get the picture. Men - be honest about your height. The same guy I met for lunch stated he was 6 feet tall. I'm 5'6". I wore two inch heels that day and he and I were eye-to-eye and he was wearing heels on his boots! Six feet, my butt.
5) Take the photos somewhere that is neutral, tasteful, or just nice. Nothing too extravagant - you don't want to have someone think you're very rich if you're not. Whatever you do, do not have things in the background someone may question. One guy's profile I looked at had a Mickey Mouse telephone on the table beside him. Hmm. No toys, dolls, teddy bears, whips and chains (ha ha), but you get the idea.
6) Don't post photos of you in lingerie or too provocative (women) or you may get the wrong responses. Men, don't post photos of you bare-chested unless you really have something to flaunt, or wearing a tank top (wifebeater shirt). Wear what you normally wear to work or at play. Unless you wear a tuxedo for work, don't post yourself in it, no matter how good you think you look. Be clean and neat.
What it comes down to is thinking what *you* want to see when you look at someone's profile. What attracts you to them? That should help you decide what to post for a photo.
If you need some ideas or want me to view your photos before you post them, feel free to email me via the LoveatLast.com messaging system or via my email address netcrimes@netcrimes.net
You want to meet the man or woman of your dreams, right? Well, if you want the person that fits you and your lifestyle, the first thing you need to do with your profile is be honest, but not too honest.
Don’t fall for the same trap most online profiles do – writing you like walks on the beach when you don’t live near a beach; writing you’re into skydiving when you did it just once; etc. Think about what you really do in your spare time and write about it. If you have an unusual hobby, like collecting llama figurines or growing venus flytraps, put that in your profile. You want to find someone who is compatible with you, not someone who looks good but has nothing in common with you, right?
When I put up my original profile, the dating site I was on allowed men to “wink” at me. My profile headline was “Don’t wink at me if you can’t spell.” I got some humorous responses, but I also got a lot of men who seemed to be really interested. I wrote in my profile that my work in cyber crime means I travel a bit and that I needed someone who would be comfortable in a suit or jeans. I do live near the beach and I *do* like walking on it (I also run to the beach and back each morning). I included that and the eclectic taste I have in music, movies, and books.
Think about what you want in your significant other and be specific enough so that you don’t get everyone responding to your profile. I put in my needs that I wanted someone 6 feet or taller, I preferred blonde or gray hair, blue eyes, and all of their teeth (seriously). I didn’t care what they did for work, as long as they worked. They needed to have an eclectic taste in everything like me and live within 200 miles of me.
You have to be realistic in this last regard. Unless you have boatloads of money to travel to meet people, make sure you specify how far you are willing to travel to get to know someone. Remember, if this person is compatible with you, you may just end up moving in with them or marrying them. Scary to think of, but it could happen.
And don’t feel like you have to respond to every person who sends you a message about your profile. Be picky. Go through all the responses you get and if you feel you need to send something, make up a template response such as “Thanks for looking at my profile , but you’re not what I’m looking for.” You don’t need to respond to them after that. From the ones you do like, take a good look at their profile. Did they fill out a lot of information about themselves so that you can get a sense of who they really are? If there is very little info about them, skip that profile, no matter how compelling their photos may be.
If you still like what you see, send them a message and hope you get a reply. If you do, “feel” each other out via messaging on this web site until you feel comfortable enough to give them your personal email address. If it still goes well, talk via cell phone. Don’t jump into meeting them in person right away.
My current husband, who I met online, and I did the above. We waited over a month before meeting in person, then when we did, it was for lunch. A public place for that first meeting is imperative. That way you can leave gracefully if it doesn’t go well. If you hit it off, then arrange another public meeting, maybe for dinner, or that walk on the beach, a winery tour, something in a public place where other people are around. If it goes well from there, then have fun.
Next time I’ll talk about photos on your profile, photos on profiles you are looking at and watching out for scam artists. Even dating sites like this can’t keep all those scammers away.
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